winter blah(s)

I'm not good at blogging. I'm not good at letting people know what's going on in my life. The whole 7 of you who read this regularly, I'm talking to you.

December 10th, 2010 was my worst day so far. Brad's Dad and his brother were in a highway car accident on the way to Southey, SK in the morning. They had a head on collision when the other driver hit some black ice and lost control for a second and went into their lane. Garret survived with 2nd degree chemical burns on his face but Dad didn't make it. He was 57 years old.

Less than 12 hours before he was playing mermaid barbies with my girls. 

the details are unimaginable. 

Life changes fast.

Life changes in the instant.

You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.

joan didion -  the year of magical thinking

Terry was the dad i could call when my car wouldn't start or when the basement flooded. He helped us renovate 95% of our house. I didn't get to do that with my dad 'cause I moved two provinces away at 18. Terry was the grandpa who would drop everything to come take care of the girls. My dad always said he hated being so far away but he was glad that my girls had a grandpa like Terry to be around them all the time. 

I know where he is... or rather who he's with. and because of that i have GREAT hope.  But I can't escape this feeling of great loss. This empty feeling. I walk into church and i can't get used to not seeing him come give me a kiss and steal one of his granddaughters to show off to someone. I can't get used to the gone-ness. It's like a hole. a big, gaping hole. where there once was but now is not. 

i know there is this thing called the other side... we're just figuring how to get through to it.

what i wish for the new year: twice as many bouts of laughter as drops of tears.

love never fails.

♥